What If Donald Trump Controlled the Galactic Empire? A Hypothetical Star Wars Scenario

Imagine a galaxy far, far away, but with Donald Trump at the helm of the Galactic Empire. The Imperial March would be playing, but you might hear it mixed with a catchy reality TV theme in the background. So, what would happen if Trump were in charge of the most notorious regime in the Star Wars universe? Let’s explore this wild, hypothetical scenario with a bit of humor.

The Death Star: “Make the Galaxy Great Again” Headquarters

Under Trump’s control, the Death Star wouldn’t just be a superweapon—it would be the largest, most luxurious campaign headquarters in the galaxy. Picture Trump’s face plastered across the entire surface of the Death Star with the slogan “Make the Galaxy Great Again” in gigantic, glowing letters. The Emperor’s throne room? Rebranded as “The Situation Room,” where Trump would deliver his State of the Galaxy addresses, broadcasted live on every planet.

And let’s not forget Trump’s signature project: the Wall. Trump would likely propose a giant space wall to keep out any “illegal aliens,” but instead of stopping smugglers or rebels, it would mostly be a massive waste of resources. Still, Trump would insist it’s the most “tremendous” wall the galaxy has ever seen, even if nobody’s quite sure what it’s actually supposed to do.

Stormtroopers: The Best, Most Loyal Troops Ever

Under Trump’s leadership, the stormtroopers would receive a makeover, complete with new uniforms that feature a suspiciously bright orange hue. Trump would frequently boast about how they’re the “best troops, really terrific,” despite the fact that they still couldn’t hit the broad side of a Star Destroyer. Training standards? Not a problem. If questioned, Trump would likely respond with, “We have the best stormtroopers, everybody knows it. They’re fantastic marksmen—believe me.”

Of course, whenever they miss a shot (which would be often), Trump would simply blame it on “fake news” from the Rebel Alliance, insisting that reports of poor aim are exaggerated and that the rebels are the real problem.

The Empire’s New Policies: Trade Wars and Tariffs

Forget about peaceful negotiations or strategic alliances; Trump would start trade wars with every planet that even looked at the Empire funny. Tariffs on Corellian ships, sanctions on Nabooian plasma, and don’t even get him started on the Wookiees—Chewbacca’s home planet of Kashyyyk would probably get hit with a tariff so high it would make your head spin.

The Galactic Senate would be in constant turmoil, with Trump tweeting (or using his version, “Trumpet”) about how the Republic was the worst deal in the history of the galaxy and how the Empire deserves better. Diplomacy? Nah, just a series of rapid-fire Trumpets declaring victory after every meeting, regardless of the outcome.

Vader’s New Role: Secretary of Defense

Darth Vader would be promoted to “Secretary of Defense”—because, really, who else could handle the job? But instead of using the Force to crush rebels, he’d spend most of his time trying to convince Trump not to build a second Death Star because “the first one didn’t work out so well.”

Vader would also have to deal with a constant stream of suggestions from Trump on how to “improve” the Empire’s image—like adding golden trim to the Death Star or turning Mustafar into a luxury golf resort. All while trying to maintain some semblance of order in the galaxy.

Palpatine: The Ultimate Apprentice

Of course, there’d be a bit of tension between Trump and Palpatine. Palpatine, the original mastermind of the Empire, would find himself in the strange position of being Trump’s “apprentice”—but not in the Sith way, more like the reality show way. Trump might even give Palpatine a new title, like “Chief Strategist,” and then proceed to ignore every piece of advice Palpatine offers.

At some point, Palpatine would likely get frustrated and try to stage a coup, only for Trump to call it “fake news” and fire him on live holonet TV, complete with his famous catchphrase, “You’re fired!”

A Galaxy of Chaos and Trumpets

If Donald Trump were in control of the Galactic Empire, the galaxy would be a wild ride. There’d be walls in space, trade wars, golden Stormtrooper armor, and probably more Trumpets than you could keep up with. The Empire would be less about order and more about branding—“Make the Empire Great Again” merchandise would be everywhere, from Tatooine to Coruscant.

In the end, while the Empire might look a bit flashier, it would probably be more chaotic than ever. And the Rebel Alliance? They’d probably just sit back, watch the chaos unfold, and wait for the next round of bizarre Trumpets to roll in. After all, when the leader of the Empire is more focused on ratings and polls than on ruling, you can bet the galaxy is in for some entertaining times.