God Says Minecraft, RIFT & SWTOR Are Turning Your Children Gay

Soeren Kamper May the schwartz be with you

Well not God exactly, more Bryan Blake, ChristWire Network Host and “Radio Guru”, who has some, let’s say interesting, views on the effect that certain video games, including SWTOR are having on the impressionable young minds of gamers all over the world. Blake seems to have particular problems with the over-use of phallic idols (i.e. great big willies masquerading as things like light sabres and Creepers), which he claims have been hidden in video games by some mass homosexual conspiracy with an agenda to “poison” gamers.

I’m sorry Mr Blake, but let’s break this down for a minute: I personally think that it is the person who insists that everything shaped a bit phallus-like penile who has the pre-occupation with penises. So, I’m going to revert to the age-old, scientifcally sound theory that It Takes One To Know One.

Here’s a sample quote of what the faith-wielding, jargon-spouting Idiot Savant has to say on the subject of Minecraft in particular:

What better way then to get your young child running around using these 8-bit blocks to draw gigantic penile idols?

Good to see that militant religious fanatics like this still have their priorities right: forget all of the suffering in the world, and simply seek refuge in ridiculous and poisonous theories about hidden homosexual messages and the promotion of Communism.
Hang on, gayness and Communism?! Holy shit (blasphemy wholly intended), we best boycott these harmless strategy games in case we all start wearing red and touching each other’s man bits.
Particularly impressive is Blake’s ability to break down the name BioWare, and somehow jump to the ridiculous conclusion that that name alone is encouraging children to participate in Golden Showers and re-enact scenes from Two Girls One Cup (if youre one of the few people who haven’t seen this please DO NOT take this article as a cue to do so, I’ll just feel terrible for you)- based on the inference of the term “Bio”.

Anyway, I’ll let you see it yourself, before I start stabbing my computer with something phallic in anger at the capacity for my fellow humans to be so idiotic and hide under the banner of faith. Shame on you, Bryan Blake, you ridiculous man. Very funny though.

Oh, and remember to follow me on Twitter: @SiTheMovieGuy

Author

  • Smiling man wearing glasses and black shirt

    Soeren Kamper is the founder of StarWars: Gamers and a longtime Star Wars writer, community builder, and gaming journalist with nearly two decades of experience covering Star Wars games and fandom. He began writing about Star Wars: The Old Republic in 2008, later co-founding the SWTOR wiki and founding the SWTOR subreddit, and became an early, active figure in the game’s community. His hands-on involvement led to invitations from BioWare Austin and participation in SWTOR events during the game’s launch era. His work is grounded in long-term franchise knowledge, firsthand gaming experience, and deep roots in the Star Wars community.

Soeren Kamper

Soeren Kamper is the founder of StarWars: Gamers and a longtime Star Wars writer, community builder, and gaming journalist with nearly two decades of experience covering Star Wars games and fandom. He began writing about Star Wars: The Old Republic in 2008, later co-founding the SWTOR wiki and founding the SWTOR subreddit, and became an early, active figure in the game’s community. His hands-on involvement led to invitations from BioWare Austin and participation in SWTOR events during the game’s launch era. His work is grounded in long-term franchise knowledge, firsthand gaming experience, and deep roots in the Star Wars community.